I have done what was needed. Now it's time for me to sit back and wait for things to happen.
Change is constant. Hurt is inevitable. Pain is psychological. Suffering is optional. It's a lesson learnt, that tough times are like physical exercise. You may not like it while you are doing it, but tomorrow you will be stronger because of it.
It's time to put myself in recluse yet again, until work starts. I found a job finally, BRAVO! And coincidentally it starts after labour day, if you get what i mean. (Btw, what am i doing? It's just an admin job in a marine supply company. Nothing fancy. But i have a secret dream job - which will not be so secret anymore - i want to be a pole-dancer! NOT a stripper, there's a difference. It'll be awesome to be dancing all the time, just like Jenna Mourey!)
Anw, I just wanted to share, the reason why i am actually fine to be labelled 'foreveralone' is that with it, I become this big tough beast who don't give a damn about the society and what it has to say about me. In this realm, only my mind speaks to me and I morph into the character that i feel like. These times I just do what i want without having second thoughts.
And because i've been going for interviews, my chirpy bubbly happy and full of love character naturally emerges and exudes a kind of charm and aura that attracts people to talk to me.
Yes, I have been talking to strangers, and i find it comforting that I was the chosen one.
From the old malay granny in tudung at the bus stop beside tampines stadium who told me it was a hot day and i shouldn't be wearing a blazer (i was going for an interview). She asked me where i was going and she told me i looked pretty and wished me luck.
I found it intimidating at first, to be speaking to strangers but then these are the people who might make my day. And she did, at 10am in the morning.
Then the indonesian maid who got lost at tanjong pagar. I just finished my interview and she approached me for directions. So i told her i'd bring her to the nearest train station to get to ang mo kio... I waited with her for 45mins even when bus 10 (to tampines stadium) passed by 5 times and bus 30 (to bedok interchange) passed by 7 times.
She told me she didn't dare to ask anyone else cus she's scared they might cheat her and give her wrong directions. With the time, she told me about her nice ma'am who is about 30ish and isn't married cus of her fear of men. Then continues to say that she didn't get married cus she's afraid she will be cheated and so decides to stay single, like me.
The very stringent yet caring ma'am bought her bags, clothes and sandals whenever she went overseas. And also there's a blind grandma that she takes care of and speaks cantonese to (yes she CAN speak cantonese).
And she also told me her exciting bike rides with her 'friend' (which i asked "boyfriend" and she chuckled and exclaimed "Cannot luh! My ma'am don't like boys!").
We bidded goodbye at paya lebar and i really had a great time listening to her short stories. After she left, i thought, she would make a good friend if she were the domestic helper in my family.
And then the cab i sat in from harbourfront to alexandra terrace on a tuesday morning at 11am. The uncle who wanted to find me a boyfriend.
He said i should have a boyfriend. Now that i am 24, i should find someone to settle down with and plan for a family. I resisted. He told me if i don't use my youth to find a partner for my future, i will lose it and later regret it.
He then asked if i had sisters and whether they were as piao liang as me. I told him my sisters are prettier than me that's why they are both married and have beautiful kids.
He again urges me to get a boyfriend while i refuse and he said in chinese "Don't waste it. It's a pity cus i can tell you are a good girl and you are pretty but you don't want to have a boyfriend."
Well, i'm just waiting for the person to find me instead. Haha. I definitely deserve someone who's willing to make the effort, isn't it?
Lastly the guy who stopped at the bus-stop and told me to get into his car so he could send me home. I still think he's a friend of a friend. He really seemed to know me. But then again, i am always cheated easily cus i'm vulnerable and stupid and gullible. :(
But if he was trying to hit on me, it must be that i look friendly and approachable right? Well... on the bright side.
So it shows that I can survive this life alone, and i am fine because there are always people whom i meet along the way to guide me. I'm thankful for the friends that i have and even for the strangers i've met and really, i feel truly blessed.
It's been an interesting first half of april. And it's only 2 weeks to MAY! Things in my life are gonna change drastically and hopefully, in a good way... I see it.
So are you here to test me, use me, teach me or bring out the best in me?
