I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people. - John Lennon

I saw a few like-minded individuals along the way and i smiled to them. Pretty awkward cus i'm a female, an amateur and alone snapping photos of other people like a creep. (I think i can only take still shots though, sadly.)

It surprises people that i don't have friends to walk the town with, or to camwhore with, alongside all the beautiful lights and decorations. Yeah, i'm a freak, i smile to random strangers, i squat down to get a better angle to take photos, i loiter at ngee ann city just to hear people sing and dance and i grin ear to ear like a silly clown when i notice other people's little moment of joy.

(The 4th photo in orchard road, I stood in the middle of the road to snap a shot. People were staring at me like i was some white elephant from thailand? I wanted to show in my photos what i see in my point of view. It seems bewildering to some. I don't get it. Is it so shocking that someone will do something that nobody else does? This is clearly rejection from the society and i have by now, got used to it.)

Nobody knows what's on my mind, and nobody ever will. Even i couldn't say for certain, what's on it... Hmmm...

I will hibernate for now and sort things out before starting 2012. It's time to free your mind and stop troubling over little things. Cheers, for the hardest part of ending is starting again.

Move: Forward. What happened in the past were lessons learnt. Things have changed and people should too. There's always gonna be something new to adapt to and we cannot stop or we'll be left behind.

Travel: Around the world. Haha. What else? There's so many places to visit but we only have so little time left. The earth is slowly fading away but some would rather use the money for a Chanel 2.55/Rolex. For me? Luxury items < Marvels in the world.

Take a class: Muay-thai or kick-boxing? Self-defence, just in case! Cooking? Baking? Guitar and Piano? Oh my, even if i could find the time to do these, how to afford? Wha lao we're in Singapore leh!

Take a risk: For those who are fated to die will die. 2B game on! But if ever there's an accident, just let me die, don't leave me hanging with needles and machines all over. Cus daddy says, the doctors in Singapore don't have the intention of curing or saving. It's all about the money money money, they just want our money money money, wanna make the sick live, it comes with a price tag.

Don't you think? While those (less fortunate) whose life are left hanging by the thread, working hard to put rice into their mouths, paying off bills and trying to afford medication to breathe another day, doctors charge them to the last cent of whatever 'consulation' and medicine that was given so he could drive that luxury car and pay for his condo. Pfft.

If i were smarter, interested in medicine and were born a billionaire's daughter and still have the same brains and (simplistic) thoughts i have today, i'd be a doctor, open a clinic to give free consultations and only make them buy what is needed at cost price.

Apparently i am none, so i'm sorry i could never be one. But then again, we can always do something else to help.

2011, i was oblivious of what i wanted. I am still uncertain but i made progress as compared to 2010. I worked at DFS for A WHOLE YEAR without complaining (but with complaints ugh). I opened up to making new friends, got wild, lost control somewhere, went out with some people alone (i have this fear of being with people alone but i reckoned i have to grow out of it someday), travelled with close friends, GOT MY BRACES, paid for 4/5 of my braces, stayed happy, enjoyed nothingness, smiled incessantly, laughed at silly things and nursed myself back to health (like wolverine) everytime i got sick.

I don't know if i am a person of exemplary demeanour but well at least i can say i've tried. I want people to know that most of what you want is like a shiny silver star sticker on your forehead that catches peoples attention. You may have achieved 5 of it and you're a proud winner, while on the other hand, i haven't achieved any and i must be a damned loser.

Wrong cus my metal megawatt smile is my shiny silver star sticker. I may not have a lot, but in time to come, i will do all the things i've imagined to (maybe including the naughty ones), and IT WILL BE LEGEN.... wait for it....

DARY. YES, LEGENDARY. *beams* ;D

P.S. It's my no-meat tuesday and thursday monthversary tmr!!! I have to date achieved 8 days of no pork, no beef, no lamb and no kambing! Cheers to that!

I'm bored.... and kind of in a bad mood. No, i'm not emotionally affected, just physically unwell.

So what shit have i gotten myself into? A dangling nail, a semi-ripped thumb, teeth marks and swollen veins. Ugh. When he walked into the room all i said was "get out, i don't want to talk to you." how retarded am i?

I've been cooped up in my home for almost a week now and the frustration escalates. I need to release all the angry energy. And i hope it stops raining... or maybe i should stop singing so it doesn't rain... Hmmm... or if it snows it'll be nice. Or send me someone who could serenade me all day and night so i needn't sing to myself.

Oh well.... Retail (eye) therapy since i spend so much time on the computer... dayum!

VS comforter set so i could snuggle in bed happy.

Please?

< Married to the Mob.   

<THIS! heart tenor uku. Apple Uku.

Purple!   VS bikini and the body

Feel like laying in bed until 2012 comes, get up and start over. Boo.

Nonsense aside, 3 cheers to me, i achieved my NO meat tuesday and thursday successfully. I felt really bad cus today my mum made a whole pot of pig trotters specially for me. Love. She knows braised pig trotters are one of my favourites and when i told her i'm not eating meat today... She asked, "For who?" i didn't know what to answer then she continued "You want to be muslim is it?".... WHAT? Seriously?!

It's for the love of earth and the poor animals that are cruelly slaughtered (whether slicing the neck or electrocuting it)... I'll eat less meat and try to be meat-free but i cannot promise that i will be a full-fledged vegetarian.

Maybe someday? The dilemma. At least i'm trying...

My 11-11-11 day went by just like that. It's kind of crazy, how i can spend my time doing entirely nothing the whole day and not grumble.

No no, actually i did a few things.

I played my ukulele - desperately trying to strum and sing at the same time, and sadly, i just can't synchronise. I cannot multi-task?! What a shame cus it is supposed to be a woman's forte. But I'll try harder, at least I've achieved 2 songs to date and my finger tips are peeling/blistering so that's actually progress, heh, on the bright side.

I retyped my Curriculum Vitae - which now is null cus i have no freaking idea where-in-the-computer it is. Checked the recent documents, not there. Searched the entire documents file, not there. Searched the computer, not there. So i can say that i probably lost the "resumeo" (the name i had given to my CV) and have to do it again. Shucks. Wasted 4 hours of my day. Half of the time i'm actually editing my photo, sorry luh, i'm imperfect, got bad skin, fat face, small eyes, big nose, bad teeth and etc. You know, a pretty face goes a long way. WHAT TO DO?

I watched Jacky Wu(and the cast of My New Fair Princess)'s programme on TV - ahhh... What can i say about this? I laughed!!! Killed 1 and a half hour of my time and... basically that's just it.

I babysitted my dogs. BOOM. HALF THE DAY GONE. I really wished louis would change his behaviour for the better. So at least i wouldn't be afraid he'd kill my friends if i brought people over. And then i wouldn't have to spend time at home alone. Or watch HBO, alone. Or watch movies on funshion, alone. Or snuggle in bed, alone. Or drink screwdrivers(vodka+orange juice) and sing to my computer, alone.

If you're a close friend, i would probably have mentioned it a thousand times... I'd love to live in a 3 bedroom apartment alone, a penthouse would be best, host house parties, invite friends, dance, have pyjamas sleepovers, create theme parties, play games, get high on alcohol... those kinda stuff and do it fortnightly. I don't know how often this happens in Singapore but apparently i've only been to 2 that was really good fun. (But that shouldn't be counted cus their houses were MASSIVE so that was a bonus.)

And so, I have learnt to let go of some of the worries in my mind. How to handle the opinions of others and being able to accept that not everybody's gonna like me the way i want them to, even though i've tried. They say, everyone gives judgments yes, but i never discriminate or condemn. It's a different thing all together.

I don't have much education, but am i a dolt?

Who's to say i am or i am not, you judge me. I'll let you with this old quote which i used a lot, judge not you be not judged, for whatever judgments you judge, it will be measured back at you.

Indians, bangalas, sri lankans, are they all the same? Judging that they are all the same is one thing, cus they do in fact, look quite the same. Condemning all of them because of one bad impression? That's on to another level. It's stereotyping and discrimination. Ah, i'll stop here cus who am i to give a talk about discrimination? Pffffttt. (Anw i think these people have stunning features. Jawline, nose, eyes... Tsk tsk. Just change their skin to a lighter tone, a blonde dye job and you'll be looking at them in a different light. There's no denying, you see them differently.)

GREED - i've yet to get the things i want. I have the money, but i don't really know why i'm not willing to indulge in A SMART PHONE... This is sort of like a neccessity to everyone else already. People - kids from 8 to granpas at 65 - have iphone, S2, blackberry and whatnot.

Me? NOKIA 5800 of 2 years #win. I am a girl and i never owned a digital camera #doublewin. I am actually more of a woman but i don't have any luxury branded bags or shoes #triplewin. I get sad but i never cried in front of anybody and nobody ever realises that i'm-smiling-not-because-i'm-happy #JACKPOTWINWINWIN. I AM AWESOME, might be THE AWESOMEST (well, second to Barney stinson). I have control over my body, my mind and my heart.

Is there anyone who's been through more education than i, who can go through what i go through? The temptations, the greed, lust and envy? I doubt it.

Dang, i'm rambling. I should end here, i always get carried away. Anw, i'm gonna abstain from meat (pork, beef and mutton) every tuesday and thursday. It's something i've decided for myself, i want to be the change i see in the world. Please support me. Uhmm, just remind me to practise abstinence! ;D

So... should i be a vegetarian? To be or not to be, that is the question.

The truth is, the biggest sucker-punch of life: It’s not a spouse, or land, or a job, or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal. - Laura Munson

You, get into my pants now.

Size 26 skinny jeans, you definitely can fit. Meh. I make me laugh.

"Well i think you're fabulous and i just love everything that you do. Out of all the kids in the school i think you are the biggest unicorn. Well, when a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn and he becomes a unicorn and he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he is magical and then his horn falls off. And black unicorns, they become zebras." - Brittany S.Pierce

Brittany: There's pepperoni in my bra.
Santana: Those are your nipples.

Kurt: They have more experience but rachel, you are fierce. Your ambitions does push-ups when you sleep. You're not giving up on this.
Rachel: You make me wanna be your boyfriend. I'm not the only fierce one. We're gonna do this together. *high-fives kurt*
Kurt: You realise we just did the gay high five.

I used to condemn the show, but it turns out that i'm a loser too, Glee FTW. Madly in love with Brittany and Kurt. And Blaine for being the role-model lover. If only he exists.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quietened down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit the donkey's back, he was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to throw dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of it is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!